Getting real in Puerto Rico

The ocean. La Mer. The mother. The unconscious. Part of what drives us to do things that we don’t rationally decide. 

I’d had a hint that my lifestyle wasn’t serving me. I was so serious about making my parents proud of me. When I quit college I spent years not caring yet at times also feeling bad about not showing that I could succeed when the going gets rough. But I don’t like to swim in rocky waters anyway. There are so many confusing life forms in my subconscious that draw my attention, so stress on top of that is no fun. I even used to want to be a psychologist but am glad I didn’t devote too much time and energy into this soft science. In fact, maybe I spent too much time reading psychology and working on describing my nebulous emotional states. Being nebulous is a bad compliment to this dreamy pisces. So when I got in the water yesterday to snorkel at the marina I felt cut down to size. No longer was I using the ocean as a metaphor for my internal landscape, I was actually in the ocean, looking at physical life in there. My thoughts and theories on the soul vanished into uselessness and in its place was a factual landscape to observe with my physical eyes, a playground to explore. No longer was I reading about possible infantile traumas that could explode up in my psyche. I was witnessing my physical being right next to a manatee. I large ancient looking mini whale that I was told is like a puppy. I was witnessing my bravery in delving into waters I have actually not explored yet with lifeforms I have not actually been next and know little about. I wasn’t sitting in an office with a therapist “bravely” diving into my pain. I was swimming next an actual shark. I was doing the stuff that impresses not just draws me in out of sympathy. Living in Puerto Rico and having access to the marina here is helping to actualize my dreams. It’s scary and satisfying, and most importantly - it’s very real. Much more real than the washed over LaLa land (Los Angeles) that I came from.

XO,

Asya

What is it like to live right near the ocean?

I had, for most of my life from preschool to high school graduation, many feelings of pride for being smart. I was a really good student. When I was in third grade I took a special test to get into a special school for smart kids. I got in. So for fourth and fifth grade I went to a magnet school in Los Angeles which basically meant a school for higly gifted children. After graduation my parents moved me, my twin sister, and my older brother to a peaceful town called Calabasas. It was safer there and their public school district was very highly regarded. The summer before entering middle school, I took another test to get into the higher learning classes. I scored in the 99+ percentile of the test. So I got into honors classes. In high school I was in accelerated math classes and by senior year I was in five AP classes and passed tests to accelerate past having to take some college courses. I didn’t have to do deal with a lot of high school drama because the main focus for most of my peers in my classes was to succeed academically and not to just be “popular.” 

I grew up in a family and culture that valued education highly so I felt proud of very myself and built my sense of confidence on my grades often. Even though I knew this wasn’t totally fulfilling for everything I wanted to do in my life, I didn’t see it as an option to have lower standards for school achievement. 

I got good grades but when it was time to enroll in university they weren’t good enough to get me into the top schools. I didn’t even apply to schools like Stanford, Harvard or Yale. My reach was more towards the University of California system. UC  Berkeley was rated the highest. I didn’t get into there. I didn’t get into UCLA or UC San Diego either. I got into UC Davis, UC Santa Cruz, UC Irvine, and UC Riverside. I also got into a school called Reed in Portland, Oregon which prided itself on having self selected students who enjoyed learning for the sake of learning and not because they were forced to. It was also $40,000 a year to go there, and I wanted to study philosophy. I’d have felt too guilty spending that much of my parents’ money, and did not want to go into debt to take aorta loan of my own. I decided not to go to any of them because I wanted the best one, UC Berkeley. The best way to get there would be 2 years of community college and then to transfer. 

At the time I was also learning about philosophy, going to ecstatic dance, and getting into yoga. All of this and high school ending got me a little closer to the frustrating feelings had felt about school and the the school structure as well. I felt that I was being taught to be a learning robot rather than being taught to be an independent thinker. Getting good grades did not help me in the sphere of social ease, being a kinder person ( except to appease me parents), or the  sense of independence I wanted. After the structure of high school ended, and was no longer my structure, I felt a little bit afloat. I was also in love with my yoga teacher at the time (who was sort of my boyfriend) and he went on this so I went too on a ten day, intense meditation retreat where we sat for at least ten hours straight and meditated on our sensations. When I came home my mom had thought I turned into a zombie and I thought I was more at peace because I had really enjoyed the silence.

I enrolled in community college with my twin sister and went to the classes. I got good grades. I was also a little bit depressed. The classes weren’t exciting. I wasn’t in an exciting atmosphere. We were still living at home. A year later I decided to do something wild. This was when the internet was first beginning to make headway and I looked up “yoga communities.” I found one in Northern California called the Mount Madonna Center where they centered the community around a sense of inner peace (supposedly). The main residents are devotees of a guru named Baba Hari Das who was briefly mentioned in Ram Das’s Book “Be Here Now.” He had taken a vow of lifelong celibacy and a vow of silence for over fifty years. Being young and spontaneous I called them, filled out the application form,and was accepted. I lived there for six months doing a work study. I basically did kitchen work, gardening, housekeeping, and tea service for retreat guests as it is part ashram/ part spiritual retreat center for visiting teachers. I got to meet many spiritual teachers and seekers including the now famous Adyashanti. It was an interesting six months. It was like traveling halfway between India and America. I tried out not speaking for five days, sometimes I would fast, some days I would meditate a lot. I tried many different spiritual techniques and realized that some people, instead of devoting themselves to the academic world, devoted themselves to seeking and living the truth within themselves. That is the kind of person I wanted to be. It was also very satisfying to be a food server to people on spiritual retreat because I got so much feedback about how special it was for them to have me be so present and loving in my food giving. That was a nice change from just feeling positive about getting good grades. That seemed like a worthwhile endeavor but I did see hypocrisy there as well. I wanted to move out of the center and find an apartment in Santa Cruz near the ashram but I didn’t have enough money and my mom thought I was being brainwashed. I also started thinking that if I really did want to become saintly I’d need to start with my family, like Mother Teresa quoted in one of the many books I read there. So I moved back home.

I moved back home with these new experiences and got back fairly depressed. I had learned about healthy mindful eating there but it was difficult to keep up at home and I sometimes reverted back in to junk food and watching television (the popular thing to do in my generation). This got me more depressed because I learned how toxic this could be. My mom recommended the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. It is a raw food detox program where people go to get cured from diseases through clean eating. I went for two weeks learning about detox, eating raw, doing fasts, daily enemas, and colonics. I lost so much weight that I didn’t need to lose and it drilled in my head how everything I put in and on my body affects my whole being, including my mental state. Meanwhile my sister was traveling the world. I had some anxiety about traveling because I wanted to eat healthy and be at peace with where I was from and what I had, not run away from it. I also wanted to maintain a clean eating diet.

I finished the retreat, came back home again, and went in and out of healthy eating cycles. I also went religiously to wild dancing classes where I became animalistic and danced to my heart’s content in a group thatvalued self expression over the clubbing feel. I also started seeing a therapist to grow as a person and paid her with my birthday money. At that time as well it was popular amongst my new age friends to denounce their parents. I followed suit, which sadly made me antagonistic towards my hard working parents which i’ve since often apologized for. So I finished my college work to apply to UC Berkeley and UCLA. I had a waiting period of four months before I would know whether I got in or not. Meanwhile I had somehow found a book by a British man named Llewellyn Vaughaun Lee. I had a habit at the time of picking obscure spiritual literature as a form of book long divination. I, also, at the time, had wanted to understand more of the writing process and decided to meet this author. He held a meditation/dreamwork group in northern California so I decided to move there and learn with him. I found an apartment with a roommate, a job, and went to his weekly meetings. He turned out to be a loony jerk. He believed he talked talked to a deceased spiritual entity and he also would yell at me often just for being young. “Watch what you’re doing with your sexual energy” he would say to me frustratingly. Being 21 and attractive I took that very personally. I saw sexual energy as pure life force so i’m not sure what he meant. He was probably a 70 year old creep. I was just trying to be nice. Also, these weekly meetings were my main social life at the time because I knew I would be changing locations for school anyway. This type of social life wasn’t good for me. I had a lot of stress with living in a new place, working, having so many new things in my life, plus the stress of being told there was something wrong with me by an old british guy who other people in his little cult believed in. Instead of giving myself credit for being brave I put pressure on myself to get him to like me. This resulted in me having a nervous breakdown which deeply worried my parents and myself.  Also since I was going through all this without supervision nobody understood why I had this breakdown, and it was difficult to explain at the time.

I got into UC berkley and all the other schools I applied to. That was a good thing but I felt the oncoming pressure of school starting and how much extra work that would be for me. I was more excited about learning to take care of myself and having a beautiful lifestyle like I saw my roommate do. She was a massage therapist with a lovely apartment and I admired what I saw a tranquil life. Nevertheless I enrolled in school, made new buddies, dd a lot of interesting things, but six months later dropped out because I was not enjoying the mental pressures or the cold. I moved back home at my parents’ request.

I had not finished college. That is something I had never expected. It was always expected of me to finish college, at the very least. Most likely with honors. Hopefully with an amazing job offer lined up afterwards. A part of me felt like a total failure. Though another part felt smug. It was hard to reconcile these two parts.

I am sitting in front my porch listening to the ocean waves one hundred feet away as I write this. I am listening to ebb and flow. The minor crashes of water on rock and sand soothingly inform me of my environment. I am seeing the blues that have captured so many artists’ perceptions.  The magic of of the ocean is that it is not a 3 minute cd track, or even a night long, “Sleep well” ocean sound  sleeping aid I can turn on with the man made superpower of electricity. It is a constantly present, perpetually “Here” sound because it is perpetually happening and will for a long time. Now, and now, and now.  I am about to take a walk along the ocean and jump in. I will soon be moved with that flow (but stay on the shallow end this morning to keep safe). I will be moved and soothed, with the ocean rhythms always in this now. I will be cleansed emotionally as always happens when I fully immerse in the water. I will be okay and grateful for everything I have.  I will be at peace with everything I don’t have or am yet to do.  I love the ocean. I love the immersion of living near this sound. This sound that not only frees me of regrets but releases me to freedom in general. I love putting my whole body including my head in these warm waters and being rocked through and through, every organ of my body titrating with the ever present. Living, healing, rocking, and rhythmic rolling of the ocean waters. I love the feel, the sight, the smell, and the sounds of the greatest musician that ever was. With the ocean my needs are balanced with what I am able to acquire. The ocean is the best example of living its truth, and reminds me to fully live my truth - moment by moment, day by day, which is the only way living one’s truth can happen.

How did I get to live in Rincon, Puerto Rico?

I moved to Rincon last year, 2016, in August. I had been having trouble with my living situation in Los Angeles for five years and I was ready to bolt. In a big way. 

I had just broken up with my boyfriend and was dealing with some unhappy feelings. I experiment with how to move on from sad feeling so one morning I was giving myself an ayurvedic breast massage that I learned on the internet. I felt that maybe the next step of my life could be to live more Ayurvedically. I had lived in a yoga community when I was 19 and ayurveda talk was common there. I Was interested at the time but didn’t truly pursue it. The new secret to happiness, maybe. I looked online for ayurvedic practitioners in Los Angeles and called a few numbers. Nobody answered, which was fine because I was low on money and couldn’t imagine forking over the dollars to see a practitioner regularly and feel like I was using my money wisely.  Then I came across the website of a man named Om Kailas. On his bio page he had a list of his ayurvedic lineage. He used the term “Guru” which I am not enormously fond of but seemed more authentic. His “guru” is a woman named Light Miller. Her guru is Ghandi’s Ayurvedic practitioner. “Wow,” I thought, “interesting.” I googled her name and found her number. I called it. It happened to be her cell phone number and she answered immediately. I told her I had been feeling down and that it has been difficult living with my mom and dad. She gave me various words of advice: Love yourself, go to the ocean every day, remind yourself you are strong, you are s survivor, do warrior poses, take herbs (which she gave me a list of). She also said she closed her wellness center in Florida and is now in Puerto Rico to take care of her mother and to start an online Ayurvedic school. She said she had also been living in her mother’s house and it has been deeply depressing, she is ready to move so she is moving with her husband and her mother to Rincon. Feeling like this could be my renewed chance for more happiness in life I told her how I wish I could be adopted by someone like her, move to Puerto Rico, and learn Ayurveda. She said she’s adopted many people and this could be a real possibility. She asked me what I want to do as my life purpose. I said I want to be a writer and healer. Then she gave me an “assignment:” to write down five people I admire most and why. I later learned this is part of the beginning of the intake as an ayurvedic practitioner based on her school’s teachings.

As soon as we hung up I drove to the local indian store to buy the herbs she recommended. As I was driving she called and said “I have something you could do for me. Can you edit an interview”

I said Yes.

I was very excited.

She sent me the interview which I did edit and emailed it back to her.

Then she called and said that the young woman who had agreed to move in with her to help her start her online school  had bailed and she asked me how good I am on the computer. I said  really good. 

I called my ex boyfriend who is a sweet guy and told him that I needed him to make sure I don’t back out of getting to Puerto Rico. He said he would do that and take me to the airport. Otherwise I don’t think I would have gone through with it. I didn’t even know how to pack for a tropical island. I barely brought anything with me and I used Spirit airlines.

Spirit airlines, put kindly, is not an airline I would recommend. The flight  and two stops. One in Michigan and one in Florida. The flight from Michigan to Florida came in late so the connecting flight to San Juan Puerto Rico had taken off with out me and several other passengers. The next flight was leaving four days later. Light called to check in  said she has a student who lives in the part of Florida I am stuck in and that’s who I stayed with. We had a fun time going to beach together and chatting along her beautiful horse-filled backyard.

The flight was very long, and I was tired. Light and our new housemate Rebecca picked me up. We are in Old San Juan and she drove to Punta Del Mar, Rincon.  I moved in and for the next three months and I had some glorious new experiences every day. Then I found my own beautiful apartment near the beach in Aguada where I am now living happily.

my poem was published!

So grateful to Sasha for telling me about submitting a poem about someone who has passed. I wrote a poem about Prince (or the artist formerly known as). My poem is featured second (under the name "AG Rachitsky... not sure why AG but that's all cool) in this wonderful monday morning podcast by John Underhill:

https://soundcloud.com/user-557255780/coffee-with-underhill-05-08-2017

new video

https://youtu.be/ZtvgDf0txxQ

Snorkeling!

https://youtu.be/2I5n7EKe1no

experiment with ASMR

I encourage experimentation with ASMR

i'll embarrass myself first:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7Fma5QknKhtZURRaks5Rlp6ZFk/view?usp=drivesdk

Dear Wombman - re-wilding into simplicity

My dear womb,
I rocked on my hammock this morning soothed by ocean sounds. My dear newly adopted chihuahua Rico Yogi was resting on my belly, just bout where my womb lies deep beneath. What did I feel? A strong desire to be a safe mother to him. I realized I felt bereft in the lacks I have of nurturing the ones who need it.


I'm reminded of the native american story:
We have two wolves inside of us. One who is selfish and angry
another who is compassionate LOVING.
They are at war.
Who wins?
the one we feed the most.

I wish I was at the level of the high givers, but wolves are interesting creatures - sometimes  wolf can run from one needing being leaving them bereft in order to care for another one that might have some secret benefit for them.
In this way, today again I choose to start small. I choose to start with Rico in every moment, caring for his needs.

In this complex symbiotic society what else can I do?
I value wise thoughts.

In the comments below, I'd love for you to share: what gives you pleasure as a woman?
in love,
Asya

O Greatness Goodness love!

I am a fan of ASMR
I didn't realize  until not that the triggers are actually good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeuriGzAnSI

xoxoxo

please comment below. I promise I will write back honestly.

bio i'd put on facebook and linked in

I posted this on my facebook status update but this is a different medium where alternative interactions can be had.
my bio in progress: (if facebook had space for this in the bio section i'd post it there):

<3 yoga teacher, reiki practitioner, intern at ayurvedic college for wellbeing, health coach,  emotional clearing buddy, reflective.listener, autism play therapist, holistic healer, sexual🍉🍌rights advocate, realist, poet, dancer, massage therapist, craniosacral therapist, trigger point therapist, meditator, Continuum movement student, practitioner of the good from all religions, survivor of many abuses, spoken word artist, nanny, pet mommy, traveler, photographer, holistic health cook, advocate for the mentally misunderstood, autism play therapist, decultifier, photographer, linguist, vibrational healer, intuitive, vacation coach and host, nun and goddess and sexual being, drummer, ocean lover, survivor and freedom fighter, try-sexual, try-gender, educational consultant, lover and friend. A child full of wonder. An adult student of life.

I'd really love to read your thoughts in the comments section, I will write back honestly I promise.  <3

I shared my practice of yoga with leaders of an Ayurvedic Cooking retreat and i'm so grateful!!! : )

https://youtu.be/zRSnSjFEYyA

So Grateful!

I found a true buddy! or two, or three.

For Ayurveda! Which is synonymous to health for me. Through lots of winding roads in my life searching for what health is including being too close to cultish thing - I'm finding a sense of kindness and community  when community is farm based on hard won lessons.

Jennifer (Jey Ma Tulasi) embraced my new doggy with so much care and wisdom.  She and Mel are kindly grounding me into Puerto Rican life. Gracias!




Group stick talking circle stating in spanish. It was a relief for me actually to not fully understand the language - to feel the space of language and vibration which is an origin of word. Jennifer and others kindly translated what was essential about my words. (having spent sic of months of my life at nineteen years old in a yoga retreat center where the inspiration there was a silent monk - I re-appreciated the sense of tuning to the larger world - this time with more wisdom. We human are but a small part of the cosmos and I felt a 360 degree balance.



my attempt at a 360 photo with this camera I'm borrowing



Support for sharing innocent vulnerability and intentions for this ayurvedic cooking class hosted by Julie at The farm



Interspecies inclusivity <3


Life essentials like sleep


More life essentials like balanced eating



All in all - "Health is wealth"

What is the true love I found?
1. Basic survival
2. human friendship is happiness

now I am home integrating what I learned.

It takes community for everything so to keep this farm going (that offers a gentle platofrm for workshops) please donate to:
https://www.facebook.com/FincaPajuil/

Gracias.
Namaste.

In the comments below i'd love for yu to share: what gives you pleasure as a woman?

A thing I like about where I live

One thing I really like about living near Rincon is that there is a lot of immunity to cultishness.
If anything it would be cult of surfing.
Except the ocean is very worth of respect and can crush you.
I feel much better loving, respecting, being in awe of, and being in fear of the ocean MUCH more than any human being cult leader - i'm sick of those.
https://goo.gl/images/Z5nvqR

"Being Real"

Why when I listen to people talk about how "real they are together" I get so lonely.

http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/6246/43/16x9/1200.jpg

in other news:

this is what I for about what my dark "one liner" is on those silly facebook quizzes:

But first the joke I wrote about it:


Joke: First there as just GOD
only Light
and then there was the word.
and the word was peace
but who's telling the joke?
OMMMMM. UMMMM

ok now the one-liner:

"I can't go to hell, Satan still has a restraining order against me"

ok now my brilliant joke again:

Joke: First there as just GOD
only Light
and then there was the word.
and the word was peace
but who's telling the joke?
OMMMMM. UMMMM




Have a ggreat day!

Revealing

Seeds if my seeds are we b

The beginnings of a coconut tree

sensitive

I really need my cousins and Russian peeps to help me on this.

lol, most of the items in the following, but not all are true for me. But here are two links because growing up with Russian parents and an identical twin is like turning every little nuance of this unique upbringing into the most sensitive, often nerve frying, experience and what is a gift about having a twin can also turn into a source of isolation. (so the comedy of it hurts... but i need the comedy of it because then I find myself to be wholly unrelatable)

https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaf23/signs-you-were-raised-by-russian-parents-crmp

https://www.buzzfeed.com/dianabruk/23-truths-about-growing-up-russian-american?utm_term=.tsQEymXqo#.iv1dVRjMa

But I've actually found what might be a gift from this. I'd rather do these sensitive subtle things an listen to this than just about anything.

https://youtu.be/Kb27NHO_ubg
ASMR

Living in real time

A coconut yogurt morning on the farm the ingredients came from. Overlooking the ocean. Pre-snorkeling. The guy next to me is texting on his iPhone working. I'm not and I love that - working on listening to the trees listen to my energy... is a good career for me... I'm excited to share moments like these with friends and family coming to visit me soon. YAY . Moments like these are to be shared and that's a reason phones and computers were invented.

The power of visualisations

About a year ago my boyfriend at the time superimposed my parents' front yard onto a part of my profile. Now I live in paradise.
I am a powerful creator


plus:
Ayurvedic tip of the day:
Yoga is a practice, not a religion


blessings,
Asya

My experience in polyamory

What happens when you meet a polyamorous guy who is charming and communicative - then invites you to a gathering called "Infinite Love Gathering" near your house in LA?
Well this is some of my story:
He wanted me there because his date for the night had a six month relationship with the person running the gathering.
The person running the gathering is over 50 years old.
His wife is 40 years old.
They  married when she was 17.
They have four children.
They used to be orthodox jews in florida for fifteen years before moving to Seattle under what I assume is the guy's midlife crisis.
In Seattle the husband convinces his wife to let him date other women.
They are now "polyamorous"
This is what continues to follow:
The husband weens off his job as a chiropractor while the wife goes to a three year university as a sex coach.

They move to Los Angeles.
The wife dates a wounded man who is also her client. He pays her but she calls him "Boyfriend"
This is how the family now makes their money.

This is the man I dated before coming to puerto rico.

I was at some of his gatherings and I met with a guy in san francisco who was at the gather. I was sitting right behind the husband introduced as his girlfriend but this new guy didn't even see I was there.

I didn't realize I was being controlled.

I don't know much about the husband,
He keeps a lot secret.
Now her runs this gathering with lots of participants.

I let him into my body day after day.
I saw his kids suffering.
I saw his wife who didn't know english before she met him.
It's like he's re-training horses.

This is part of my experience in polyamory.

The thing is I had no idea how I was being controlled.

It frightened me.

It frightens me now.

Charm and the magical mystery ride

So I guess I'm a good enough, loving person for someone to take me on a charter sunset cruise. I just met the guy a few nights before.
After the charter I came home, and met a wonderful community playing music around a bonfire. I drummed, played guitar, and sang! Facing my fears is being unlocked by the spirit of community embrace, especially mirrored by this new fiend I am making Colleen who is inspired by my self care.
Tomorrow we journey to the first chakra of the Earth.

Super important

Super important rule I learned while living with my ayurveda teacher:
When eating veggie chips (like the organic good health brand) organic blue corn tortilla chips - ALWAYS dip into hummus or babaghanoush (preferably these dips are made with a form of seaweed called kombu to relieve gas, and soak overnight).
I'm tired of making the mistake of eating them dry. It really hurts my esophagus.

Puerto Rican Bomba drumming class two houses away

Two houses away along the ocean there is an authentic Bomba Drumming class.
I'm sitting in front of the teacher's drum.
I try to the rhythm of what I'm being taught.
I try to keep to this rhythm with my "writing with a pen" hands, and my "video game" hands, and my "girls aren't supposed to be like boys" hands.
I play a reverberating sound.
I realize that all the silent thoughts inside of me that feel like the world and in reality total and complete bullshit.
This realization helps to un-paralyze my hands and at least attempt to take this class I paid for.

-girl.

Twins

It's a feral moment with my alter-ego.





Using photos and text as a curative

emotional bonding for Gen X

In the morning I prayed

The earth has spun her back to the sun and I am laying in my hammock glancing at crystalline stars. Being rocked gently by whatever forces of the wind, earth, gravity, atmosphere, and planetary movements. This rocking has turned my $15 hammock priceless.
This rocking also reminds me how fortunate I am.
My jealous-worthy apartment. I get kissed by: warmth in the evening, moon-glow, and the reliable ocean sounds. These sounds. These sounds encourage me to listen to my own voice and remember that the ways I was shut down based on circumstances not of my solely personal fault but larger faults- are not going to help me in my current life. Island life is rocking me to wake up and find my voice.
I'm going to start snoring so I can hear my voice all night.
Grunting (which is snoring) is very necessary to get in touch with, I believe, when one has spent ages 10 to 20 in a Los Angeles suburb. Especially is this person has moved to a tropical island.

This morning I woke from terrible dreams that reminded me that I have work to do on myself.
I walked to the sand hole that was dug for me several days ago. I covered myself with mineralized sand, and observed my thoughts in this very earthy position. I have balancing work to do! Balancing the suburb life I've experienced of cement, marketplace items, and lots of headiness, goal-fulness, book-smarts... with what I am now learning to be even more important to me which is ease of the heart, ease with my nature, ease with the larger beautiful nature of universe...
It's a joy to have this opportunity to be with myself in this way.
I am joyfully experiencing the bliss of eating right...
I find it's not a game, it's a very visceral experience of self love and deep empowerment in realizing I prefer eating with my own energies and connecting to a personal and community sense of cycling of nourishment - rather than a restaurant.

More to come.

Peace.

Asya

my front yard (almost)

I follow my bliss and I give you the gift of sharing.

Today has been another "Best day ever"
I woke up with a feeling of not having done enough though I had slept well.
The air was warm and the ocean was sounding continuously.
Relatively warm because it was sprinkling a bit so cooler than I am used to.
Still I had a strong desire to bury myself in the morning sand as a morning meditation to soothe me and center me.
A friend, Maila, who I met a few months ago told me excitedly when she saw black sand on our morning walk along the ocean how healthy it would be to bury ourselves in for the amazing minerals. She is from a great family here in PR. They run the "Natural Awakenings" magazine in Puerto Rico and are spiritual leaders in the community.
So that is what I did.
Yesterday, my friend Eduardo stopped by. I asked him if he could dig a hole for me so I can meditate. So he brought a shovel and dug. Once he hit the roots we both decided i would be a laying down meditation. Eduardo is so kind. He brought me fruits from his yard starting several months ago. Then he trained me in power walking. He is from a military family and in his retirement. He was also a PE teacher to my upstairs politician neighbor.
I laid on the sand naked because I wanted the minerals all over me. My beach is private but I had a sarong nearby because some people do show up.
After an hour or so of facing buried stuff within me while feeling the support of burying myself in paradise earth on a warm ocean coast I felt my angels were screaming at me to do yoga.
I found a sunny, flat beach spot and did yoga for an hour while the sun kissed and hugged me.
I experienced such guidance and communication with the holy presence while engaged in asanas.


The beach I live nearby has a river near it.
The night after I found my apartment here I walked this beach at night and happened upon a man here. Here told me many things about Puerto Rico and his childhood the in the jungles on this Island until his mom moved him to the city at 13. He showed me a river near a house is working on and said that some people think it's gross because it has a dirty smell from decomposition but it's actually very healthy to be near because it i oxygenating. There are roots from trees growing in it. His job is to rent out this wonderful house right there and givie people tours. It's a vacation house on Airbnb. People love his tours. He also wanted to get into bed with me even though he has a girlfriend and kids from and woman. No thank you, but a tour still sounds nice.
He made a bonfire that night.

 I moved there and did yoga for an hour while the sun kissed and hugged me.
I experienced such guidance and communication with the holy presence while engaged in asanas.

The beauty of the ocean right near the decomposing river inspired me to let go of a lot of emotional baggage. 

Especially about living in an Ashram when I was 19.  Having to conform to a guru's standards confused me about my power. I realized the power he gets that I trusted was from his relationship to nature.

Also especially about the "work life" I felt I was supposed to do in my life. The realization of "there is no "supposed to do" that I need to follow. I'm the one who supposes. I affirmed "I am my own guru. I am the creator of my life"

I felt so much love for my identical twin sister Yelena. I am soooooooo excited for her visit here March 31 - April 9. She is the closest human heartbeat, she is human love to a lot of me. While wondering how to make her trip here the most amazing it can  be and also grieving some part of my soul I believed was damaged, I saw two black balloons tied together by a white string. They were floating on the ocean shore.

WOW! 

Black is the color that absorbs all the light. It is all the colors. It reminded me of a songI made up while dancing with my sister in our Van Nuys house at ten when we wanted to be famous in some authentic way (or just wanted to be seen by our parents every once in a while and validated):

"We're one, but two. We're together and apart" It was powerful at the time to create a choreography to the song that she partook in.

I walked over there, picked up the balloons and brought them to my apartment one hundred feet away.

Reality is reality. I cannot change the past difficulties I experienced. I have changed how I treat myself. I treat myself with militant love. The ocean is teaching me that. That makes my wonderful life so much more wonderful!

After I picked up the balloons I believe I felt the ocean thanking me - clearing it of litter because I felt in tune with a wisdom of how the earth cleanses herself. 

I am learning to cleanse myself naturally and trust in the wisdom of my body.

Brining the balloons home I realized I needed to wash the sand off my body in order to keep me home clean. The hose didn't feel fun so I ran back to the ocean and jumped into her. That's a much better way to clean off sand.

At home I brought my table on rollers to the patio where I prepared cucumbers, tomatoes, and a guava as a breakfast. I ate this looking at the ocean.

I ate mindfully.

I ate with awareness of body sensations.

I chewed twenty times, each bite.

I expressed gratitude for the food.

I composted the food in a yard across the street.

I gave gratitude to be able to be include myself in this cycle of giving and receiving more naturally and witness  Earthy's natural recycling.

I am truly blessed.

My friend Ricky called to invite me to a beach and surf day. 

My new friend Lisa texted to pay me $20 so she could use my shower while and home during the day. She had stayed a few nights before and we had a blissfuly day at the Ann Wigmore institute nearby - eating raw food, learning mindful eating, and emotional discharge. Then in the evening there was a talent show. I sang "Do Rei Me" while the audience sang with me. I was so happy performing!!!!!

I learned they sell dulce and super green foods there. FINALLY! A place with organic greens!  They have a two week raw food cleansing program I truly want to partake in for the future. I'm so happy!!!!

So I picked up Lisa, my new friend who spent the night here and is writing an Airbnb review of her experience at myplace : ) -- yay income (but more-so what another authentic powerful woman who is kind and loving). 

I drove her to the farmer's market and stocked up on fresh fruits like papaya. Had coconut water out of a coconut. Saw my farming seller friends : )

Our communication is wonderful and she came here to lead a spiritual retreat. 

She expressed gratitude for knowing me and remarked how she is inspired at how I live my bliss and truly take time for meaningful experiences. I live my life with meaning.

True.

I thank her for reflecting that.

I love taking my day mindfully. 

I truly have transformed a lot. Having not kept most people in the loop of my experiences I am now intending to commit to blogging. My life here in so many ways. Especially the stories of experiences I've had. Life here, for me, is too rich to not share.

A sense of loneliness truly ebbs into pride as I realize how strong I am and how truly authentically I am living in ways I believe like meditation, yoga, mindful eating, kindness, sharing, vulnerability to open doorways - magical supernatural routes of life -to new experiences, adventure, love. LOVE.

The paradise of here is keeping me here for a good long time.

Now am I keening for another surf lesson from a handsome guy who literally swam under my surfboard in rocky water to give the another peak experience. Surfing!

I am unplugging from the computer again as that is also important to me. 

I could write novels about every single day here. And maybe I will when I get un-dizzy from LA living for so long - healing from there is my expression of gratitude to THE OCEAN!!! . Right now I am laying in a hammock, rocking, listening to the ocean one under feet to my right. I have fresh fruit inside. Nobody else is here. I choose to take in natural sunlight for the hour more it's here rather than focusing on this computer light (even I so want to share my experiences here. It's dawning on me that because I am energy sensitive I believe on some level all my acquaintances are with my in my experiences. I have such a talent to for writing though. I want to share my paradise life in Puerto Rico. I want to share it from a place of gratitude. This blog can be nut-cased as a piece of gratitude. This piece can be seen as serving God's will. What my spiritual connection has moved in me from witnessing sunsets here in a daily basis at the shore is powerful enough to start a religion of peace.

I share Peace. 

I am Peace

I Love you.

Namaste.

Asya - yoga teacher

Note: For all who have felt I may have wronged you:
I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

For all who feel they may have wronged me I welcome a setting for Love to enter though forgiveness as I see you in your higher self.