Super important

Super important rule I learned while living with my ayurveda teacher:
When eating veggie chips (like the organic good health brand) organic blue corn tortilla chips - ALWAYS dip into hummus or babaghanoush (preferably these dips are made with a form of seaweed called kombu to relieve gas, and soak overnight).
I'm tired of making the mistake of eating them dry. It really hurts my esophagus.

Puerto Rican Bomba drumming class two houses away

Two houses away along the ocean there is an authentic Bomba Drumming class.
I'm sitting in front of the teacher's drum.
I try to the rhythm of what I'm being taught.
I try to keep to this rhythm with my "writing with a pen" hands, and my "video game" hands, and my "girls aren't supposed to be like boys" hands.
I play a reverberating sound.
I realize that all the silent thoughts inside of me that feel like the world and in reality total and complete bullshit.
This realization helps to un-paralyze my hands and at least attempt to take this class I paid for.

-girl.

Twins

It's a feral moment with my alter-ego.





Using photos and text as a curative

emotional bonding for Gen X

In the morning I prayed

The earth has spun her back to the sun and I am laying in my hammock glancing at crystalline stars. Being rocked gently by whatever forces of the wind, earth, gravity, atmosphere, and planetary movements. This rocking has turned my $15 hammock priceless.
This rocking also reminds me how fortunate I am.
My jealous-worthy apartment. I get kissed by: warmth in the evening, moon-glow, and the reliable ocean sounds. These sounds. These sounds encourage me to listen to my own voice and remember that the ways I was shut down based on circumstances not of my solely personal fault but larger faults- are not going to help me in my current life. Island life is rocking me to wake up and find my voice.
I'm going to start snoring so I can hear my voice all night.
Grunting (which is snoring) is very necessary to get in touch with, I believe, when one has spent ages 10 to 20 in a Los Angeles suburb. Especially is this person has moved to a tropical island.

This morning I woke from terrible dreams that reminded me that I have work to do on myself.
I walked to the sand hole that was dug for me several days ago. I covered myself with mineralized sand, and observed my thoughts in this very earthy position. I have balancing work to do! Balancing the suburb life I've experienced of cement, marketplace items, and lots of headiness, goal-fulness, book-smarts... with what I am now learning to be even more important to me which is ease of the heart, ease with my nature, ease with the larger beautiful nature of universe...
It's a joy to have this opportunity to be with myself in this way.
I am joyfully experiencing the bliss of eating right...
I find it's not a game, it's a very visceral experience of self love and deep empowerment in realizing I prefer eating with my own energies and connecting to a personal and community sense of cycling of nourishment - rather than a restaurant.

More to come.

Peace.

Asya

my front yard (almost)

I follow my bliss and I give you the gift of sharing.

Today has been another "Best day ever"
I woke up with a feeling of not having done enough though I had slept well.
The air was warm and the ocean was sounding continuously.
Relatively warm because it was sprinkling a bit so cooler than I am used to.
Still I had a strong desire to bury myself in the morning sand as a morning meditation to soothe me and center me.
A friend, Maila, who I met a few months ago told me excitedly when she saw black sand on our morning walk along the ocean how healthy it would be to bury ourselves in for the amazing minerals. She is from a great family here in PR. They run the "Natural Awakenings" magazine in Puerto Rico and are spiritual leaders in the community.
So that is what I did.
Yesterday, my friend Eduardo stopped by. I asked him if he could dig a hole for me so I can meditate. So he brought a shovel and dug. Once he hit the roots we both decided i would be a laying down meditation. Eduardo is so kind. He brought me fruits from his yard starting several months ago. Then he trained me in power walking. He is from a military family and in his retirement. He was also a PE teacher to my upstairs politician neighbor.
I laid on the sand naked because I wanted the minerals all over me. My beach is private but I had a sarong nearby because some people do show up.
After an hour or so of facing buried stuff within me while feeling the support of burying myself in paradise earth on a warm ocean coast I felt my angels were screaming at me to do yoga.
I found a sunny, flat beach spot and did yoga for an hour while the sun kissed and hugged me.
I experienced such guidance and communication with the holy presence while engaged in asanas.


The beach I live nearby has a river near it.
The night after I found my apartment here I walked this beach at night and happened upon a man here. Here told me many things about Puerto Rico and his childhood the in the jungles on this Island until his mom moved him to the city at 13. He showed me a river near a house is working on and said that some people think it's gross because it has a dirty smell from decomposition but it's actually very healthy to be near because it i oxygenating. There are roots from trees growing in it. His job is to rent out this wonderful house right there and givie people tours. It's a vacation house on Airbnb. People love his tours. He also wanted to get into bed with me even though he has a girlfriend and kids from and woman. No thank you, but a tour still sounds nice.
He made a bonfire that night.

 I moved there and did yoga for an hour while the sun kissed and hugged me.
I experienced such guidance and communication with the holy presence while engaged in asanas.

The beauty of the ocean right near the decomposing river inspired me to let go of a lot of emotional baggage. 

Especially about living in an Ashram when I was 19.  Having to conform to a guru's standards confused me about my power. I realized the power he gets that I trusted was from his relationship to nature.

Also especially about the "work life" I felt I was supposed to do in my life. The realization of "there is no "supposed to do" that I need to follow. I'm the one who supposes. I affirmed "I am my own guru. I am the creator of my life"

I felt so much love for my identical twin sister Yelena. I am soooooooo excited for her visit here March 31 - April 9. She is the closest human heartbeat, she is human love to a lot of me. While wondering how to make her trip here the most amazing it can  be and also grieving some part of my soul I believed was damaged, I saw two black balloons tied together by a white string. They were floating on the ocean shore.

WOW! 

Black is the color that absorbs all the light. It is all the colors. It reminded me of a songI made up while dancing with my sister in our Van Nuys house at ten when we wanted to be famous in some authentic way (or just wanted to be seen by our parents every once in a while and validated):

"We're one, but two. We're together and apart" It was powerful at the time to create a choreography to the song that she partook in.

I walked over there, picked up the balloons and brought them to my apartment one hundred feet away.

Reality is reality. I cannot change the past difficulties I experienced. I have changed how I treat myself. I treat myself with militant love. The ocean is teaching me that. That makes my wonderful life so much more wonderful!

After I picked up the balloons I believe I felt the ocean thanking me - clearing it of litter because I felt in tune with a wisdom of how the earth cleanses herself. 

I am learning to cleanse myself naturally and trust in the wisdom of my body.

Brining the balloons home I realized I needed to wash the sand off my body in order to keep me home clean. The hose didn't feel fun so I ran back to the ocean and jumped into her. That's a much better way to clean off sand.

At home I brought my table on rollers to the patio where I prepared cucumbers, tomatoes, and a guava as a breakfast. I ate this looking at the ocean.

I ate mindfully.

I ate with awareness of body sensations.

I chewed twenty times, each bite.

I expressed gratitude for the food.

I composted the food in a yard across the street.

I gave gratitude to be able to be include myself in this cycle of giving and receiving more naturally and witness  Earthy's natural recycling.

I am truly blessed.

My friend Ricky called to invite me to a beach and surf day. 

My new friend Lisa texted to pay me $20 so she could use my shower while and home during the day. She had stayed a few nights before and we had a blissfuly day at the Ann Wigmore institute nearby - eating raw food, learning mindful eating, and emotional discharge. Then in the evening there was a talent show. I sang "Do Rei Me" while the audience sang with me. I was so happy performing!!!!!

I learned they sell dulce and super green foods there. FINALLY! A place with organic greens!  They have a two week raw food cleansing program I truly want to partake in for the future. I'm so happy!!!!

So I picked up Lisa, my new friend who spent the night here and is writing an Airbnb review of her experience at myplace : ) -- yay income (but more-so what another authentic powerful woman who is kind and loving). 

I drove her to the farmer's market and stocked up on fresh fruits like papaya. Had coconut water out of a coconut. Saw my farming seller friends : )

Our communication is wonderful and she came here to lead a spiritual retreat. 

She expressed gratitude for knowing me and remarked how she is inspired at how I live my bliss and truly take time for meaningful experiences. I live my life with meaning.

True.

I thank her for reflecting that.

I love taking my day mindfully. 

I truly have transformed a lot. Having not kept most people in the loop of my experiences I am now intending to commit to blogging. My life here in so many ways. Especially the stories of experiences I've had. Life here, for me, is too rich to not share.

A sense of loneliness truly ebbs into pride as I realize how strong I am and how truly authentically I am living in ways I believe like meditation, yoga, mindful eating, kindness, sharing, vulnerability to open doorways - magical supernatural routes of life -to new experiences, adventure, love. LOVE.

The paradise of here is keeping me here for a good long time.

Now am I keening for another surf lesson from a handsome guy who literally swam under my surfboard in rocky water to give the another peak experience. Surfing!

I am unplugging from the computer again as that is also important to me. 

I could write novels about every single day here. And maybe I will when I get un-dizzy from LA living for so long - healing from there is my expression of gratitude to THE OCEAN!!! . Right now I am laying in a hammock, rocking, listening to the ocean one under feet to my right. I have fresh fruit inside. Nobody else is here. I choose to take in natural sunlight for the hour more it's here rather than focusing on this computer light (even I so want to share my experiences here. It's dawning on me that because I am energy sensitive I believe on some level all my acquaintances are with my in my experiences. I have such a talent to for writing though. I want to share my paradise life in Puerto Rico. I want to share it from a place of gratitude. This blog can be nut-cased as a piece of gratitude. This piece can be seen as serving God's will. What my spiritual connection has moved in me from witnessing sunsets here in a daily basis at the shore is powerful enough to start a religion of peace.

I share Peace. 

I am Peace

I Love you.

Namaste.

Asya - yoga teacher

Note: For all who have felt I may have wronged you:
I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

For all who feel they may have wronged me I welcome a setting for Love to enter though forgiveness as I see you in your higher self.

My new home

I intend to turn my new home into a self-love haven. To match the exquisite natural surroundings!

What a trip this has been so far

Wow
I've been through so so so much here.
I wake up at 5 am with the sun. I have no door and I hear the ocean. I love this love of Puerto Rico. The love of nature permeates the people here. More than most yoga classes and spiritual talks - this connections to the sun and the land is what has felt the most unifying and feeling of  "oneness" that many of the spiritual teachers talk about.
Going to sleep at 10 helps me feel like I don't have to control it all. Then this brings into question: what am I really learning, where is there to get to? Maybe there is nowhere to go. The most upfliting immediate experience for me has been the essential oils. They smell so GOOD!

They uplift my emotions. I massage myself with a mix of oils in a coconut oil base. It's call abhyanga. I also have been doing a breast massage this past week. It feels really good. I love warm loving touch. I've had a column (it's like ayurveda's version of a colonic but with teas and no pressure) - the stuff comes out natural. It amazed me what's inside of me. Then oil is inserted. I thought it was amazing. I love opening my mind to the mystery of who I am but it's so much pressure to think  I will be guiding other people to health. I don't know so much and I almost wish I could document each specific moment so that people can validate that yes I'm really having theses experiences. That's what brings me back to having a twin sister - Light said "a lesson to learn that although twins are born together, they have separate life paths" - Do I believe this? what does it mean? When I walk the beach sunrise or sunset I know I am better of for. Subtle new experiences expand my mind. Like eye exercises in yoga - I realize I've been looking at the world with mostly a set parameter of eye movements - when I change that I actually see that I am much more/less/unique than I "thought" I was. Is this spiritual opening or random concepts that are being jumbled in my head? Yoga says a mind full of thoughts means there is dis-ease. That's scary. But then to know the mind, observe nature- Well now I am making time to observe nature and what a mind blowing mystery. 

Am I looking for a support team? What is my truth? I don't think it's an easy answer, it's probably an art of understanding. I love my life because I I was born from blood and bones. Come dance with me in puerto rico- I rented a new apartment right off the beach. It's a 3 bedroom for $550 a month. I'm nervous to live alone but i'm more nervous to have a set idea of what happiness needs to look like.

Blessings!

Call me, talk to me. This is a time of celebration and reflections.

I've experienced fire dances, tinctures that calm me, food that's better than I've ever tasted, new friends who a reliving beautiful gifts from new people I met, ancient healing treatments, and my mind getting blown and calmed. It's hard growing up with few people to listen to my deep needs or questions - or to nurture me physically. It's not getting much easier here. I feel like I am pushing huge walls that won't budge. I refuse to have a nervous breakdown based on the fact that support is limited, so show me that it's not! I've been working intensely hard to follow that ideal "we create our realities" - i've worked very hard with positive thinking, mantras, kindness, gratitude, nature time, life coaching apps, journaling, regulating my day, self-discipline, looking within for the answers, not judging, trusting the process of life -- all of it and it's damn hard to look back in a realize there is no one here to say "Asya I'm here to nourish you unconditionally." I'm really tired actually - I grew up with a lot of tv and junk - to turn it around so much is a difficult process and I don't even know what to think when my own family is going each their separate ways and pretending that's ok. It's like I'm turning the old feeling of not being able to speak as child" into a spiritual ideal of "only speak authentically and respect your elders". These feelings are uncomfortable and ayurveda comes from a very different culture that I didn't grow up in. It's weird that my family is so disconnected - it's weird that I feel like a feather in the wind and nobody seems to mind. What's the deal? I didn't sign up for this. We really do need to help each other -so if you ask: "please help me" or I'm reaching out and saying "help me in this transition" there is something similar to it. I find I take a backseat to other peoples' needs a lot.. because I remind myself that everyone is fighting their own battle. But that doesn't mean I agree to be battled with - where is the perfect mommy when I need one? Where is the supportive always there, protective brother? Where is the perfect twin sister that lives as if we are a team? Where's my healthy dad that inspires me and gives me courage.  So I can make brave and wise choices, not foolhardy ones. it's upsetting. Yes the ocean is beautiful but the ocean can kill me too... I've been trying o hard I think at the core to just make "mommy love me."  And It turns out to be a joke - living by ideals... I'm in a very unique situation where I do feel like I have no voice and it's killing me on the inside. I do understand that people should be sensitive with each other - but does that mean facing the void all alone? Sometimes I am just so incredulous at how I could be treated the way I have been throughout the years.when of course my desire was to be a perfect daughter, sister, etc. I could die any second in this new island and my family decides to vacation in Hawaii instead of come visit me in a place that is just as beautiful. It's crazy.  In person I am super gentle - but writing is something that I feel more free in - still - can you imagine being shut down for so long? I'm tired of being woo-woo about "everything will heal naturally". Where is the love? Do I need to entice people with crazy beautiful things to get them to notice me? it's so weird! I don't have a conclusion right now but a call for nourishment. Russians have suffered a whole fucking lot so now the parents make the children continue to suffer? it's ridiculous. Stop the cycle! This whole "american dream" thing is getting annoying, look who's president. This depression I grew up in should not be excused anymore - every moment is a choice to be helpful to a daughter, a sister, etc no matter what you think your background is. Most people call Russians crazy and I'm not going to deny that... the family values are messed up and there's more pain than nourishment. That is what spirituality is - reaching out even when the patterning wasn't there.  That's what I've been trying to do - be kind and understand kindness to be nicer to the people around me - but the depletion shows --- I'm barely Russian though - i grew up in america - Come visit and help me move in! Seriously. Take care of me. Trump all worries with the majesty of the ocean. (818) 667-6929

I love you!

Asya