My new home

I intend to turn my new home into a self-love haven. To match the exquisite natural surroundings!

What a trip this has been so far

Wow
I've been through so so so much here.
I wake up at 5 am with the sun. I have no door and I hear the ocean. I love this love of Puerto Rico. The love of nature permeates the people here. More than most yoga classes and spiritual talks - this connections to the sun and the land is what has felt the most unifying and feeling of  "oneness" that many of the spiritual teachers talk about.
Going to sleep at 10 helps me feel like I don't have to control it all. Then this brings into question: what am I really learning, where is there to get to? Maybe there is nowhere to go. The most upfliting immediate experience for me has been the essential oils. They smell so GOOD!

They uplift my emotions. I massage myself with a mix of oils in a coconut oil base. It's call abhyanga. I also have been doing a breast massage this past week. It feels really good. I love warm loving touch. I've had a column (it's like ayurveda's version of a colonic but with teas and no pressure) - the stuff comes out natural. It amazed me what's inside of me. Then oil is inserted. I thought it was amazing. I love opening my mind to the mystery of who I am but it's so much pressure to think  I will be guiding other people to health. I don't know so much and I almost wish I could document each specific moment so that people can validate that yes I'm really having theses experiences. That's what brings me back to having a twin sister - Light said "a lesson to learn that although twins are born together, they have separate life paths" - Do I believe this? what does it mean? When I walk the beach sunrise or sunset I know I am better of for. Subtle new experiences expand my mind. Like eye exercises in yoga - I realize I've been looking at the world with mostly a set parameter of eye movements - when I change that I actually see that I am much more/less/unique than I "thought" I was. Is this spiritual opening or random concepts that are being jumbled in my head? Yoga says a mind full of thoughts means there is dis-ease. That's scary. But then to know the mind, observe nature- Well now I am making time to observe nature and what a mind blowing mystery. 

Am I looking for a support team? What is my truth? I don't think it's an easy answer, it's probably an art of understanding. I love my life because I I was born from blood and bones. Come dance with me in puerto rico- I rented a new apartment right off the beach. It's a 3 bedroom for $550 a month. I'm nervous to live alone but i'm more nervous to have a set idea of what happiness needs to look like.

Blessings!

Call me, talk to me. This is a time of celebration and reflections.

I've experienced fire dances, tinctures that calm me, food that's better than I've ever tasted, new friends who a reliving beautiful gifts from new people I met, ancient healing treatments, and my mind getting blown and calmed. It's hard growing up with few people to listen to my deep needs or questions - or to nurture me physically. It's not getting much easier here. I feel like I am pushing huge walls that won't budge. I refuse to have a nervous breakdown based on the fact that support is limited, so show me that it's not! I've been working intensely hard to follow that ideal "we create our realities" - i've worked very hard with positive thinking, mantras, kindness, gratitude, nature time, life coaching apps, journaling, regulating my day, self-discipline, looking within for the answers, not judging, trusting the process of life -- all of it and it's damn hard to look back in a realize there is no one here to say "Asya I'm here to nourish you unconditionally." I'm really tired actually - I grew up with a lot of tv and junk - to turn it around so much is a difficult process and I don't even know what to think when my own family is going each their separate ways and pretending that's ok. It's like I'm turning the old feeling of not being able to speak as child" into a spiritual ideal of "only speak authentically and respect your elders". These feelings are uncomfortable and ayurveda comes from a very different culture that I didn't grow up in. It's weird that my family is so disconnected - it's weird that I feel like a feather in the wind and nobody seems to mind. What's the deal? I didn't sign up for this. We really do need to help each other -so if you ask: "please help me" or I'm reaching out and saying "help me in this transition" there is something similar to it. I find I take a backseat to other peoples' needs a lot.. because I remind myself that everyone is fighting their own battle. But that doesn't mean I agree to be battled with - where is the perfect mommy when I need one? Where is the supportive always there, protective brother? Where is the perfect twin sister that lives as if we are a team? Where's my healthy dad that inspires me and gives me courage.  So I can make brave and wise choices, not foolhardy ones. it's upsetting. Yes the ocean is beautiful but the ocean can kill me too... I've been trying o hard I think at the core to just make "mommy love me."  And It turns out to be a joke - living by ideals... I'm in a very unique situation where I do feel like I have no voice and it's killing me on the inside. I do understand that people should be sensitive with each other - but does that mean facing the void all alone? Sometimes I am just so incredulous at how I could be treated the way I have been throughout the years.when of course my desire was to be a perfect daughter, sister, etc. I could die any second in this new island and my family decides to vacation in Hawaii instead of come visit me in a place that is just as beautiful. It's crazy.  In person I am super gentle - but writing is something that I feel more free in - still - can you imagine being shut down for so long? I'm tired of being woo-woo about "everything will heal naturally". Where is the love? Do I need to entice people with crazy beautiful things to get them to notice me? it's so weird! I don't have a conclusion right now but a call for nourishment. Russians have suffered a whole fucking lot so now the parents make the children continue to suffer? it's ridiculous. Stop the cycle! This whole "american dream" thing is getting annoying, look who's president. This depression I grew up in should not be excused anymore - every moment is a choice to be helpful to a daughter, a sister, etc no matter what you think your background is. Most people call Russians crazy and I'm not going to deny that... the family values are messed up and there's more pain than nourishment. That is what spirituality is - reaching out even when the patterning wasn't there.  That's what I've been trying to do - be kind and understand kindness to be nicer to the people around me - but the depletion shows --- I'm barely Russian though - i grew up in america - Come visit and help me move in! Seriously. Take care of me. Trump all worries with the majesty of the ocean. (818) 667-6929

I love you!

Asya

Healing with foods

I was reading my lesson about foods in my course manual from the "Ayurvedic College for Wellbeing" and  I am upon some issues. I journaled about them and feel refreshed and renewed.

I feel grateful for my family. I feel grateful to be able to look within and see what was blocking me from being able to read the lesson fully and correctly. I felt such and emotional attachment reading about foods that I should be eating after just eating breakfast. I feel excited to be on the path of being a healer. I feel lucky that I can do this in cycles!

I am excited to connect with likeminded healers. Those who see food as medicine are my kind of people! As I was reading in the manual this morning for the indications of food, I am hungry again!

<3

here is a photograph from some ocean gifts today.

I write with love.

Beautiful Abundance awaits in Puerto Rico

Bliss, happiness, relaxation and new perspective of life.

Come home renewed and with many healing tools to bring back with you. 

https://www.facebook.com/events/1169702286386008/

What makes me happy

For my first post my twin recommended I blog about what makes me happy. Here is a list.

This is what makes me happy:

Living near the ocean and hearing the waves.
Knowing how special this would be for my brother, sister, and parents if they were here, so feeling like I am experiencing the new for and with them in my heart, and knowing how happy they are for me, fulfilling my heart's desires.
Waking up with the sunrise.
Eating all kinds of tropical fruits.
Eating delicious meals prepared by my house mom "Light" that are unique everyday and satisfy me in profound ways
Taking care of my digestion
Having dewy glowing skin
Living in a house that's in alignment with the power of natural herbs for healing and balancing
  - actually the herbal tea brew I made last night has been really affecting me in a great way! I put many herbs together. I boiled the roots for thirty minutes. Then I added the leaves and let it sit in the hot water (heat off) for thirty minutes. I'm feeling a lot of effects and one thing that at least eases me is that I'm living with a master herbalist who knows these herbs inside and out. So it makes me happy to be more conscious of the fact that what I put in my body can be transforming me.

One of the herbs I took increases sexual energy lol and today I'm feeling extra inspired, invigorated, and... like where's my boyfriend (I have to get one first). What makes me happy is getting in touch with my different body systems and experience the natural way they want to live and release.
In one way I  feel empowered about how much I can affect my sense of being with food, herbs, exercise etc and on the other hand it's very overwhelming! This is like surfing a little bit -- meeting in the wild center of the unknown for the purpose of play!
- Again, being in touch with the beautiful tropics here in Puerto Rico makes me so happy because there is so much unknown to life and there is bliss in being reminded of this. It makes me smile!
Another herb I took that I heat with coconut milk and is Bacopa. Relaxing!!!  I love to relax! Relaxing makes me happy!!!! There is so much to do, see, be, feel in life and relaxation is the best way to go about it (or go about something else!). This herb makes me happy. I drink it with some honey and recently I put Ashwaghanda in there (which is strengthening).-Thinking about relaxing every single day in the future without having to work like a slave for retirement - simply taking this herb everyday makes me so happy! It's very profound!
-Thinking about all the wonderful information of herbs and food I'm going to learn makes me very happy as well!
-Sunsets make me happy!
-Farmer's markets make me happy!
-Meeting new people makes me happy!
-Fresh coconuts and my roommate Rebecca who is always positive, clear minded, and spent 3 hours in the kitchen yesterday smashing coconuts with a hammers then putting them through the juicer to make coconut pudding which we ate together last night with gluten free cake.
-Bryan who offer delicious healthy treats, lives a life I want to live, and took me surfing today makes me happy.
- My heart beating for the people around me makes me happy!
-Spending some time to cook for myself and realize the slow process in which food is made relaxes me,  brings me deeper into the process of life, and makes me happy!
- Reflecting on a lifetime of hugs with my sister makes me happy!
-The tastes on my tongue!
-A million things about being here in Puerto Rico!
-Being grateful for my family makes me happy!
-Knowing that tomorrow is another healthy beautiful day
There is so much! How long can this list go?.

I love my sister, mother, father, brother, Michelle, Stephen and all the amazing friends who care and inspire me to live fully and to keep being unique, loving,  healthy, abundant, and Loved!

Blessings!
Asya